


Beyond The Label

by missmishka



Category: Shelter (2007)
Genre: F/M, Growing Up, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sexual Identity, transitions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 01:38:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1088080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmishka/pseuds/missmishka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snippets from Zach's journey of self-realization.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beyond The Label

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: The usual warnings, I claim no ownership of these characters, they are simply borrowed with love and adoration from the original creators to have their stories, thoughts or circumstances embellished on a little more than the original format had done. Not for any profit.

The word fag had always been thrown around as an insult, but no one had ever explained to Zach why it was an insult. 

Guys liking other guys hadn’t seemed like a big deal to him when he was young.  It had made sense to him.  He liked Gabe and the other guys more than most of the girls aside from Tori. 

He’d never known how gay guys liked other guys until he saw it.

He’d been fifteen, sleeping over at Gabe’s when he’d been woken from a light sleep by some noise.  He’d gone to investigate, opening the bedroom door enough to peer out into the hall where he saw Shaun shushing some guy as they stumbled along the corridor to Shaun’s room.  As he’d watched, Shaun had pushed the stranger against the door to shut him up by sealing their mouths together in a kiss.  The kind of kiss that he’d only seen between a man and woman before.

And he’d known then that Gabe’s supercool big bro was a fag, but he still hadn’t understood why it would be a bad thing if Shaun was one.  He had known, though, that what he’d seen had to be kept secret.  Gabe had never said anything and he’d never heard anything from anyone else, but he’d seen with his own eyes that Shaun liked guys.  Shaun kissed guys. And Zach's dad and sister weren't the types to be cool with that fact; especially given the amount of time Zach spent at Gabe's.

Zach had gone back to bed that night wondering what it would be like to have Shaun kiss _him_ and knowing it was wrong for him to think that _._

He dated Tori because she was the coolest girl he knew and he loved her, but kissing her was never like what he’d seen between Shaun and that other guy.  He’d pinned her against doors and kissed her quiet, but he’d never felt the urgency that he’d sensed in that spied upon moment.

As high school graduation neared, Gabe let a vague comment slip about Shaun’s book and Zach had been quick to find a copy to buy.  He read it cover to cover while locked in his room, dog-earing pages and hiding it under his mattress the way other boys his age hid girly mags from their parents.  There hadn’t been anything pornographic or overly arousing in the book, but the sincerity of the text had spoken to Zach.  He’d seen Shaun in the main character, gained insight into the man’s life that he never would have gotten otherwise.  He’d gotten answers to questions about the man that he could never actually ask, but it had left him struggling to find answers to those same questions about himself.

Shaun had come back for graduation, cheering Gabe on through the ceremony and also being one of the few people there to clap and holler when Zach crossed the stage for his own diploma.  Jeanne had been off with her boyfriend of the moment, his mom had been gone for over a year and pop rarely left the house.  Shaun had been there, though, primarily for his brother, but also for Zach and that had meant something.  That had meant a lot to him.

It scared him what that might mean and he’d been distant with Shaun when part of him had really wanted to get closer.

That had terrified him and he’d fumbled his way through his first time with Tori that night with the help of some of the beer Shaun had provided for the group’s graduation party. 

Days became weeks then months into years with the ties of his family binding him tighter and tighter to San Pedro.  He was suffocating in the demands; sinking like he’d been wiped from his board by a crushing wave and watching his dreams get further away like the surface as he drowned. 

Through it all, he always wondered.

He looked at other guys, but could never imagine them pushing him back against a wall or wanting to kiss them silent.  He had his on/off relationship with Tori and never felt compelled to take it further than the odd make-out session unless she seemed to need more.  She dated other guys during their off times, but Zach never sought another girlfriend at those times. 

He used caring for Cody and Jeanne and Pop as an excuse to keep from dating anyone who didn’t understand his home life.  Not that he needed an excuse when it was a fact that he had no time or energy for another person when he was done with his jobs and worries.

Then, suddenly, Shaun’s back and seeing him again twists Zach’s gut and occupies his thoughts in a way he knows it shouldn’t, but at this point in his life he can’t seem to help himself.

And he learns what it feels like to be kissed by the other man and accepts what he’d known in his heart all along.  "Fag" might be thrown around as an insult, but there is nothing wrong with guys liking other guys.  It’s as natural as men liking women and women liking women. 

Love mattered more than labels.

**Author's Note:**

> I was just watching this movie again and have long wanted to write in it. I always thought my first effort here would be something playful centered around Cody, but I was suddenly struck by the scene of Shaun and Zach leaving the beach talking about Shaun's book. Shaun's line, "I just never knew that you knew about me," hit a creative nerve and I just had to explore an idea about how Zach might had known if Gabe and Shaun have never actually told him.


End file.
